Santa Claws
Santas Grotty
The North Pole
Dear Santa
Mummy says that I should always say my thanks you. Even if the prezzies are’nt exackly what I aksed for.
Thank you.
Now we’ve got that bit out of the way, I gotta make a complaint. I think you got some prezzies wrong.
It wasnt all bad. Daddy liked his aftershave smellies. That was a good idea. He does pong a bit of ladies perfume when he comes back from his business trips. He’ll smell more like a man when he wears Predator by schawerzeneger. When I’m old enough to wear smellies, I’d like some of that too.
Mummy didn’t like her chocolates, so me and Algernon ate them. Apart from the ones that the dog had when Mummy threw them on the floor. I dont know why she hated them. Mebbe its because you hadnt wrapped them in pretty paper like all the other prezzies.
I know your busy delivering prezzies and all that. Can you tell the elves that Mummy didnt like the Esso carrier bag the chockies came in? The hotel soap bars and conference mints didnt go down too well neither.
I dont think it was a good idea to buy Algernon a hockley stick. He decided it was a light sabre. He went running through the house with his dressing gown hood over his head making woo-swishy noises and breaking some of Mummys ballet dancer orniments.
He kept saying that the force was strong with this one. What I think he meant was that the superglue was strong with this one. Mummy spent all afternoon sticking their legs and arms back on.
Thanks you for the ballet shoes. In pink. There must of been some mistake. I distinckly remember asking for rugby boots. Or hiking boots. Or stompy boots.
The dolly is fab. I found out that I could pull her arms and legs off. Then I squirted tomatoe kechup inside her body. I played operations for a while. Then Algernon brought out his action man and we played zombie survivor for absolutely ages. It was AWESOME.
The best bit of Christmas was the turkey. I helped Mummy cook it. She stopped crying for a little bit cos it was lovely to do something together. I didnt know that a turkey starts out as a dead body. Its got arms and legs and stuff. A big hole where its head used to be. An even bigger hole for the biggest bottom IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.
And there was a bag with its giblets in. BRILLIANT! When Mummy wasnt looking I sneaked the bag into my pockets. Its really smelly and squishy. I can stuff it inside my dolly when me and Algernon play the walking dead.
Got to go now Santa. Grandma and Grandpa are coming round. Grandman likes to help Mummy do the cooking. Telling her what she is doing wrong. Daddy and Grandpa will be sitting watching telly. Grandma has got white hairs in his ears and nose. If he eats too many sprouts he makes botty pops. Then he falls asleep and snores. Sometimes he makes botty pops in his sleep.
Algernon says if you light a match you can make a botty pop explode. Were gonna try that this afternoon.
Lots of love and kisses
Focaccia
Will Once 